Searching for Love
by Rogue Queen's Gambit
Summary: Kagome catches Inuyasha in Kikyo's arms...again. So after a battle, she had to sacrifice herself to save the rest. However, her soul is unable to rest until it hears the words Inuyasha longs to say... I Love You.
1. How Could He?

**Searching for Love**

By: foxfirearchergrl

Chapter 1: How Could He?

_How could he? How dare he? He was hers, hers to take with her to Hell! How could he! He was hers alone!_

"Damnit, Kikyo! Stop this! This is madness!" shouted a desperate Inuyasha to the statuesque figure who stood no more than 1o feet from him.

_Why should I?_ An enraged Kikyo thought _it's obvious that he loves that little slut more than me. _

"Kikyo, Stop it! I love you, Damnit! You and only you! Kagome is-"

"Kikyo, Stop it! I love you, Damnit! You and only you! Kagome is-"he stopped. What was he going to say? His heart wrenched as he thought of the words he longed to say. Longed to say, but couldn't, wouldn't. His mouth had gone as dry as the Bone Eater's Well which had first connected them. Surely she meant more to him than that? After all they'd been through… together…How could he?

"Kagome is just…" he couldn't say it, couldn't betray her this way. But he loved her… didn't he? Didn't he love the woman before him with all his heart? If so, why did his stomach feel like it had decided to take up residence in his throat? Is that what she deserved? The woman, who had stood by him through so much, cared about him; possibly even loved him? And if it was love, she loved him not for what he could be through the power of the Shikon no Tama, but for what he was now, a hanyou. He couldn't stop the words which threatened to escape him, was powerless against the ferocity of the once-beautiful corpse before him. His abnormally strong will buckled before the feminine whiles of the long dead miko. So he said it: "Kagome is just a shard detector, nothing more. Kikyo, you know that I have pined for you since the moment of your death." And the words ripped his heart form his chest, slashed it to pieces and sucked the breath from his lungs.

"Then come with me to hell. There we can forever be together with nothing to separate us." She hissed in his ear.

"Kikyo, I can't go with you to hell right now, not just yet. I have too many responsibilities here right now."

As he spoke those terrible, terrible lies to the woman he once loved, as his heart withered and crumbled and died inside of him, a part of him knew that there was no turning back, not after this.

How could he? After all she'd risked for him, after all she'd told him! How many times had she said she loved him? How many times had she known without a doubt that he had heard her heartfelt confessions? How dare he! Was that all she was to him, 'Just a shard detector?' How could he? Was that all she was, just another responsibility? She crouched in the shrubbery, hidden, for the moment. She had only come to tell him that she was leaving for home for a week to replace the supplies which weighed down her bright, lemon yellow back-pack. She had expected him to be hunkered down in a tree, guarding the well from a distance to prevent her flight without permission. She had expected a simple tiff, which would have ended with her "sitting" him multiple times and escaping through the well whilst he was down. He would promptly follow, annoy her until she finally gave in and returned with him, knapsack once again full to bursting. This was supposed to be nothing different, but low and behold she had found him, not in the bough of an aged tree, but in the arms of a long dead miko, pleading with her and making excuses as to why he could not currently join her soul in Hell. The statements he had made about her had stung her deeply. She had to wonder, '_Is that all I am to him?'_ Was she just a 'shard detector'?

Her hands and feet had begun to ache from the pressure which she had been exerting upon them for the last half an hour. It had been so long… _'Inuyasha, I love you more than anything in this or any other world! Can't you see that?_' The heartfelt thoughts pounded inside her chest, begging, pleading to be let loose. Her heart longed to yell, to scream till her lungs burst 'I love you! I love you, Inuyasha!' but her throat had dried up and she would not, could not let those words, those awful, wonderful truths escape from her. What would he think? After all he loved Kikyo, right? Her legs wanted to raise her from the ground, to rush her to his side. Her arms longed to embrace him, to never let go. She wanted him to return that embrace, oh that sweet embrace! But she couldn't. Not now, not with her there. Hadn't he just said he'd loved her, the long dead thing which stood there before him? Had he really pined for her since the day she had died? If so, then why had he held her so tightly, embraced her with such care, so many times? Why had he seemed sorrowful, almost heartbroken every time he thought she had died? How could she face him now? Now that he embraced the witch before him so lovingly. The same kind of love his eyes had sparkled with when he held her… She wanted to have him love her, the same way she loved him. But she couldn't go to him now. She wouldn't face him again. If she just left, he wouldn't have to see her any more. And she wouldn't have to see him; wouldn't have to break her heart again…and again…

Raising herself high enough off the ground to escape the horrible scenario, which played out before her, she turned to go, never looking back. As she began her way towards the well, towards her escape portal and away from the scene in the clearing, her foot made contact with the ground and a loud, earsplitting CRACK! wrent the silence of the evening.

CRACK!

At the sound of the dead foliage snapping under the foot of the unseen observer, she whirled around, ending the embrace. Someone was there, watching. Focusing her power, she sent an enormous blast of pure energy towards the unknown spectator. As the energy hit the onlooker, she heard a sharp, short yelp of pain and briefly glimpsed a flash of raven hair. She smiled at the results of her attack and thought deviously, '_It's her…_'

Why hadn't he smelt it before? Her scent had flooded through the parting in the trees, why hadn't he noticed? Was he that used to it? He did not know, nor did he care. All he knew was that now, her wonderful scent was mixed with that of her own blood. He had to reach her, somehow. He shoved the Dead One away, didn't want to embrace her any more and inhale the scent of earth and gravesoil, which were a part of her very being. He pushed her away, and rushed as fast as his clawed feet could carry him toward the treeline. Toward the scent of blood, her blood, her scent. The scent he loved more than anything else in the world. It was a sweet, flowery scent, which hinted of various spices. And blood. Her blood. And it was all his fault it was escaping her.


	2. You Came

Chapter 2: You Came 

If she left, maybe she would forget. Maybe, she would start over. Maybe… Maybe she was foolish enough to think that all her memories would go away just disappear, if she ignored them hard enough.

As the energy hit her square in the chest, and her fragile body slammed against the heavy base of an ancient oak, she felt herself beginning to lose consciousness. Touching her hand to the base of her skull, she winced as it throbbed painfully. And she felt blood. Dark, warm, sticky, and trickling from the base of her skull. '_Inuyasha,'_ she thought, as her brain began to become fuzzy and blackness crept around the edges of her vision. _'Please, come save me…'_

There, slumped like a broken doll against the base of an ancient, sturdy oak. There she lay, amongst the foliage, dirt, and dead leaves and as the blood trickled down her neck, and began to blossom across her uniform and leave a dark, crimson stain. All he could do was watch. After all, it was his fault. She was hurt because of him. He had a sudden thought, '_How much did she hear?'_ but this thought was pushed to the back of his mind as another, more important one made itself known. He had to get her help. He had to save her, preserve the flicker of life left in her. He knew that the elderly miko, Kaede, had no hope of healing such a wound as hers. He knew of no one who could treat such a wound…in this era.

He scooped up her broken form and swept her away, to safety. Hopping through the well, time swirled about him, surrounded him. He landed softly, taking great care not to jostle her unconscious body. He leapt from the well, and burst through the well-house doors. Sprinting across the shrine compound as if the dogs of Hell were at his feet. He ploughed through the entrance to the Higurashi homestead. He yelled, desperate, so desperate, for someone, _ANYONE, _to answer his plea: '_Please, let her live!' _He yelled, yelled 'till his throat was hoarse and he could yell no more. Someone had to be here, had to hear his cries. Didn't anyone care? Didn't anyone care that their only sister, daughter, friend was hurt, most likely dying?

Then, a miracle. The front doors of the house were thrown open and standing there, frozen with shock, was her mother. She dropped her bags and swept down upon him, questions flowing forth from her lips. Didn't she understand? There wasn't time! She needed help now. He begged the worried woman to call for a healer. And for the first time in a minute, she looked at her daughter. And the longer she looked, the more tears began to flood her eyes. He pleaded with her, begged her to call the healer. God damnit, Kagome needed help! Then he too looked at her face. And he knew. Knew by the way that the color had gone from her face, her body uncomfortably limp. He knew. But she couldn't! She couldn't be…_gone._ '_Oh please! Please, don't let it be! Let her breathe again! Let her call my name, berate me, chastise me, punish me. Let me hear her voice. Please, don't let me be responsible for another woman's death!' _ His heart prayed and cried to the heavens, _'Please, don't let her be dead!'_ as his voice was raised to the sky above, in an anguished howl that had not been heard since the time of the great Inu Youkai.

The In-Between Place. Limbo. Oblivion. The Nothingness. It had to be, no where on earth had this much fog…did it? Was there even a ground here? It didn't seem real, as she hovered there, in the nothing, waiting. Waiting to be found, waiting to be discovered. She waited for someone, anyone to appear. She waited for someone to explain this…this place, what she was doing here.

Suddenly, the fog seemed to thicken, not all around, but just in one particular area. It seemed to all congeal around one point, shaping and forming itself until something new, something shaped like a man, was left. The mist glowed for a brief second, and what stepped forth from the eternal stretches of mist was far from what she had expected, even though she wasn't quite sure what she had been suspecting in the first place.

However, the youkai spirit that stepped toward her, for if she was certain of anything, it was that this being was indeed a youkai and most definitely a spirit, had eyes that filled her with a sense of familiarity and calm. She knew these eyes, almost, it seemed, better than she knew herself. The feeling, the depth and intensity of these bright, golden orbs brought her into such tight embrace of comfort; she knew she was safe with this ethereal denizen. She knew him, almost as if from some past life.

The youkai lord stepped toward her (he had to be a lord, judging by the elaborate armor strapped tightly to his noble figure and the quality of his haori and hakama.) He beckoned to his left, where the mists seemed to part in order to reveal an image: There, in the image in the mist he sat, cradling the form of not the long dead imitation miko, but of her. He sat, his face buried deeply into her ebony hair, her hair, which she had not had the opportunity to wash for over a week. His salty tears mingled with the oil, grease, grim, and blood which had clotted thickly throughout her raven locks. And without any warning, she began to cry. Tears flowed forth freely from her sorrowful eyes. There he was, telling her he loved her and she wasn't even there to hear it. And she didn't need to be, for she watched his lips to see the words they formed, so lovingly. But oh, how she wanted, longed to be the one who sat there, in his arms, his strong, muscular arms, listening to him confess his heart to her.

She turned back to him, that silent, spectral youkai lord before her, and pleaded with him. "Please…Please, just let me go back. I'll tell him, I promise. Just please… let me go back. Don't let it end now. Please…"

He stood there, just staring, as silent and motionless as ever, for what seemed an eternity. Was he even breathing? Did he even need to breathe, for that matter? But finally, after long last, he nodded. And a smile began to work its way across his face. He smiled his wide, over-bright smile, his fangs glinting slightly in the faint glow being emitted from the mists. That was when she knew. She recognized his face, for only once before had she seen this face, and not very clearly at that. A face combined well the features of his two sons. "Inu-no-Taisho…" she gasped. His smile broadened as he nodded slightly to her, and waved his hand. With that wave, she was gone.

He had left her! How dare he? He had left her, again! And what was worse, he had left her for _that girl._ That wench, she had done it again. He would come back, she was certain. But she wouldn't. After all, death was forever, in most cases anyways. Not in her own, but in most cases, it was forever. This time, though, there would be no meddling oni to bring her back.

His unshed tears began to well up in his clenched eyes. He couldn't hold them in for much longer. Why did she have to die? Why did she have to leave him? Why—sudden movement caused his eyes to flash open and his ears to perk up. A wonderful scent unexpectedly overwhelmed the receptors in his sensitive nose. Such a flowery, spicy scent could only belong to—

"Kagome!" She was alive, just barely, but she was _alive_. She blinked her tired, mud-brown eyes up at him, confused and dazed.

"Inu…yasha?" He answered swiftly, overjoyed by her miraculous return.

"Hai?" she smiled her simple, over-bright smile into his merry eyes and replied simply,

"You…came…"

Again her eyes fluttered closed, as she snuggled deeper into his arms, though this time, they closed not in death, but temporary slumber. The woman beside him wept silently, happily, and uncontrollably. She wasted no time in calling the healers, who arrived soon after in a strange, horseless vehicle making a noise like a wounded wolf. The top flashed brightly with awkward shades of crimson and cerulean. Her mother called the vehicle an 'ambulance' and stifled her sobs long enough to have herself a good laugh at him for folding his ears back against his skull and growling protectively at the people who attempted to swipe his precious bundle.

Finally, she forced him to hand over his treasure to the people who would save her. They swarmed over her body and back into the 'ambulance' that they reminded him of ants. _'Please, let her be okay,' _was his silent prayer.


End file.
